My soul mate After we had on-line facilities I put myself down on a "Single Parents" website and lo and behold I had a reply from my "wife-to-be" in Perth. I truly believed that I had met my soulmate and after chatting and meeting I moved to Perth and were married 7 months later. She had no idea about my cross-dressing desires and I aimed to keep it that way. Very few wives want to have the man they marry to suddenly appear at the top of the stairway in a full length evening gown and besides the desire had abated somewhat and I didn't have a "thing to wear" anyway! I was working from home as a software developer (and I still am!!) so when we moved into a new house, and closer to a shopping centre the opportunities became greater along with the desire.

Busted ! I've always been a "Closet Dresser" and as yet no-one has ever seen me dress up so the occasional encounter seemed to satisfy the urge to dress without causing any disruption to my software schedule. Like an idot, I decided that maybe I would feel better or the feeling might even go away if I met others in the same situation. BIG MISTAKE!!! The so called "CD's" who prowl the internet sites are more often than not "weirdos" who have no desire whatsoever to daintily converse with you about what skin toner to use and which colour lipstick suits you, but purely sick individuals who are looking to use cross-dressers for sexual means and as mentioned before we are not interested in any form at sexual gratification when we are dressing. My better half naturally "threw all the toys out the cot", not that she was so mad at my cross-dressing but because of my foolish attempt to connect with others who were not what they seemed and that I might have even fallen victim to some perverse "Trannie Basher".

Rescued by an Angel  My darling wife is almost always right and when her rage had subsided and she had received a solemn promise that I would never attempt such a foolhardy exercise again, she really went out of her way to find out all she could about why we cross-dress and is now pretty knowledgable about the topic. In the meantime her internet searches also helped me understand a bit more about why we do what we do. Not many wives would do that !! She knows the "condition" can never be "cured" and we will always have the desire. My initial reaction was to put all my "stuff" away until she could at least come to terms with it.

Will we ever be "accepted" ?  My better half  is sympathetic towards my cross-dressing but I don't think she endorses it yet. She knows the desire will always be there but it must be extremely hard for a wife to accept that her husband is two people some of the time. I truly feel that I am no less of a man or husband than I ever was and that is unlikely to change in the future. The best we can possibily hope for is acceptance of our "condition" and we too, will feel a lot less guilty if we occasionally feel the need to slip on a pair of heels whilst making the bed in the morning. Society does not accept "men dressed as women", only "women dressed as men", (a woman can walk out onto the street in a pair of car mechanics overalls and no-one would blink an eyelid...let me try that even in a pink shirt and heads will turn). I truly think that it will be a very long time before we will (if ever) be accepted in public. As for our spouse's acceptance, the best we can hope for in these times is maybe some tolerance and recognition of the fact that our desires are real and not some jaded sexual pleasure or weird and twisted fetish.She still would rather I dumped all my clothes in a bin and stayed 100% man. Then again, does she want me to swill beer at the local pub every night, take up sky diving and not shave at weekends? I think not! The thin line between "macho" and "feminine" is indeed very thin. She appreciates the fact that I cook, keep the house clean and try to look after my skin and I don't think she would like me to be loud and coarse and coming back from the pub reeking of beer. The hardest thing to convince ANY partner is that we are NOT doing this for a cheap thrill. We were born with our feminine traits and our desire to feel good comes from our brains not our genitals. We may never be "accepted" but I certainly hope that one day we will at least be understood and not labelled as "freaks". My life certainly would have been a lot easier if I had been born with the "regulation" quantity of hormones. It is indeed a sad fact that nearly 50% of Gender Dysphoric people take their own lives, purely because society will not accept them. Taking all into consideration, they are, more than likely, the ideal hetrosexual partner because of their caring and gentle nature, their higher than normal intelligence and the fact that they can, at will, take on the role of housewife and nurturer or strip down the engine of the car when required. Let's face it, with a little bit of tolerence, women could have the best of both worlds.

Do I still cross-dress ? Will I give it up ? Yes I still cross-dress. Why? because it is something we MUST do. Bullshit, you say, just dump your clothes into the nearest bin and that will be the end of it. Giving up smoking, for instance, is purely a matter of holding out until your body rids itself eventually of all nicotine and you are then back to normal. We are already normal (well, normal to us) and our desires are not induced by any drug..we were born with a female brain and unless we remove the brain, our desires remain. I like to think of myself as "dual-gendered" (no NOT bi-sexual!) I like doing guys things AND I like doing girl things too. I don't want to be a woman all the time, just sometimes. I enjoy being a guy and ripping motors out of cars. I've been rallying, motor racing, mountain climbing and scuba diving in my lifetime so far and I enjoyed every minute of it. I can STILL do it and then in my gentle moments I can also enjoy the luxury of soft fabrics and enjoying the things any woman would.(going out, shopping and company and just being creative and above all feeling pretty).

Will I give it up..in a nutshell NO!..I love my dual gender and besides it was given to me, I didn't ask for it so the way I look at it, I have it use it to my advantage and become the best person I possibily can. My cross dressing is still done in absolute privacy..I can't talk about it or let anyone see me do it. How does that make me feel? First of all I DO still feel deceitful in a way because I'm doing something  that I can't tell my wife about..and that makes me feel sad. She does know that I dress now and again so I'm not really doing anything she doesn't know about but I still have to keep "tight-lipped" at all times. No, I don't need to prance around her wearing a skirt and heels or get her to be around while I'm in my "femme" mode. It just would be nice to be able to tell her everything I REALLY did today without having to "leave out" pieces of my day.

Would I like to "come out of the closet ? Basically I guess the answer is yes??, maybe?? depends ??? OK more than likely NO!!. I admit that I do feel a little cheated now and again being "all dressed up and nowhere to go". My cross-dressing doesn't hurt anybody , for goodness sake, they are only clothes!! Admittedly I have often have a longing just to go for an evening walk in a secluded place. There are problems there already! What woman in her right mind is going to be walking alone at night!!! That's a recipe for disaster. I often wish that one of our friends would decide to throw a "turn-about" party..then I could really go without any fear. It would even be nice to spend an evening just doing normal things like preparing dinner and watching TV but with others in the house that is also a no-no. Besides, the LAST thing I would ever want to do is embarrass my wife in any way at all. We do have social clubs in our city that have regular meetings and also social outings BUT I like doing things with my wife and not on my own. I guess I would feel I'm being unfair to her if I went to an arranged BBQ for "T-Girls" and had to go alone. She would never go out with the girls and leave me at home, so why should I do it to her? I suppose the final answer in this chapter would be "YES..but I won't". I truly respect my wife and appreciate all she does for me and hurting her is the last thing I would ever want to do. I guess I must be at least thankful that I can slip out of my male role, even if it's for a few minutes a day to keep my "femme" side happy. Some are even not so lucky as me!